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From
Fashionista to Fleece Wearer:
A New Yorker's Guide to Exploring Oregon Wines
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Lauren
Glazer:
The Wine Goddess
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By Lauren
Glazer
For Oregon.com
Once upon
a time, I, Lauren Glazer, managed fine dining restaurants in Manhattan,
places where you had to call at 9 a.m., 28 days in advance, to make a
reservation or be banished to the infernal waiting list.
I learned
quite a bit in that role; about wine, food, people and their neuroses.
Then I moved to Oregon. Yes, I wear fleece to work now instead of a Tahari
suit, but as the Director of PR, Marketing and Hospitality at a winery,
I have been put in a wonderful position to improve my knowledge of the
most seductive of libations - wine.
Now, just
because I have turned into a wine geek in my early middle age does not
mean my contemporaries have made such strides. They've obviously gone
astray and attended law or business school or joined the Peace Core instead
of boozing it up with me.
So, are you
one of those well-educated, savvy ladies and gents who want to buy, drink
and enjoy wine but are just too overwhelmed? Is the magnitude of the task
of looking at a wine list or hitting a wine shop too vast for you? Do
you feel adrift in a Tasting Room or at a Winery?
The
truth is, with a small amount of knowledge in your back pocket or your
Palm Pilot, you can steer yourself and your friends towards a wine experience
that will be at least palatable if not extraordinarily pleasing. And I
am here to give you a few practical tips to get you through any wine experience.
These tips should help you find the right person, ask the right questions,
and get what you want. And you'll look good doing it too.
Sommelier,
wine director, steward … who am I supposed to talk to around here?
Well, this question is a perfect example of how terms lose all meaning
by misuse and overuse. Unless a person has taken the sommelier exam or
has sat for and passed the master of wine exam they are not a sommelier
or a master of wine.
In a fine
dining restaurant, your server should be well educated enough about the
wine list to be able to assist you with your choice. In addition, their
knowledge of the food will make them good allies in pairing.
If you have
a more in-depth wine question you may ask to speak to the sommelier or
the wine director. Likely, the server will shove somebody in a suit in
front of you, probably a manager who has more familiarity with the list.
In many fine dining restaurants with a lot of disposable income there
will be a wine person lurking about. Either way, you can feel confident
that the suit either will know the right answer or find it for you.
And when
you talk to that restaurant type about wine, do not feel intimidated or
pressured. They are, and I can speak from experience here, hoping to enhance
your dining experience, to expand your horizons if you seem to be game,
but, above all, to find a wine that will make you happy. They are on your
side and you should feel comfortable being frank with them.
"I want wine
in the $20-$30 range that has a lot of raspberry flavors in it and doesn't
make my tongue shrivel up." I wish people would have said that kind of
thing more often when I was in the biz. "Help me help you" is the wine
person mantra, so go for it, and tell them what you want.
Just remember,
expensive does not always mean "good" or even "better." There are many
inexpensive wines that are delicious and food-friendly. Some of those
crazy California cult cabernets are not so good with your halibut. They
may impress your clients with how big your wallet is, but are not necessarily
the right choice to complement your entree. In addition, everyone's palate
is different; you may like an inexpensive Oregon merlot much better than
that $500 bottle of Bordeaux.
So
be it, to each his own, and so much the better for you with $485 more
dollars in your pocket.
 Pretty
in Pink
There are any number of misconceptions about the pink juice. It only
comes in a box or jug. It's sweet. It's cheap. It is not very good because
it's so sweet. It's so delicious all sweet like that.
These are
common statements and, until recently in the States, they were uniformly
true. But rosé wines have a long and lustrous past in the Old World and
they are not sweet. In fact, rosé wines tend to be dry, crisp, minerally
with only hints of fruit - like brushing up against a strawberry or raspberry,
not chowing down on a bucket of them.
If you order
something pink in a restaurant expecting white Zinfandel you are likely
to be disappointed. If you are a white Zin fan - I know my mom is - instead
of a rosé, try an off-dry (read "slightly sweet") Riesling or
a fruity Sauvignon Blanc.
However,
if you like a nice dry, crisp wine and it is a hot summer day, sit back
and relax on the patio with a classy glass of rosé. Yum.
 To
sniff or not to sniff
The waiters and sommeliers are laughing internally when you do. OK,
maybe that was just me when I was feeling particularly snarky, but seriously,
cork basically smells like one thing … cork. When a waiter presents the
cork it is simply a vestigial limb of a long standing ritual which has
lost all practical meaning.
Back
in the day, people would drink a bottle of the good stuff, refill it with
hooch and re-cork it. You would look at the cork to ensure that it was
actually the original one for that bottle. The only way to tell if a wine
is good is to smell and taste the wine. If you want the cork for a memento,
keep it. Some of them are pretty clever these days and would make a great
cork board. Otherwise, please, just leave it be.
 Screw
it
In efforts to keep wine from being tainted by a bad cork (the quoted numbers
range anywhere from 3 to 8 percent of all wines) and, on a more earth
friendly note, to save the Lynx whose population in Portugal (the home
of cork trees) is in grave decline, many winemakers are moving towards
"Stelvin Closures" … read "screw caps."
So now we
must discuss and understand this wine trend. We have to get used to it
even though it takes us back to Mad Dog 20/20 and jugs o' wine. Yes, it
is back, and it's not just for Boone's Farm anymore. The screw cap is
a recognized as a fantastic way to keep wines fresh and free of taint
or impurities that might be hidden in the cork.
Many feel
that the hermetic seal is too sanitary for wines meant for aging and that
the very slow and carefully controlled oxidization that they believe occurs
as air moves through the cork into the bottle is essential to the aging
potential of that wine. Others say the opposite, that a good cork allows
no air into the bottle and creates a perfect seal. In that case, age worthy
wines should all have screw tops.
One
thing everyone can agree on; it still looks awfully goofy to have the
sommelier present the bottle with pomp and circumstance only to twist
off and pour. Hopefully something we can all get over some day.
Tiny
Bubbles
Did you know that you cannot call a wine with bubbles in it Champagne
unless the grapes were grown in and it has been made in the Champagne
region of France? Otherwise, it is just sparkling wine.
Now that
does not mean that sparkling wine is bad, or in fact in any way shape
or form the black sheep of the bubbly family. There are tons of delicious
sparkling wines which are made in the methode champenoise (fancy way of
saying we do it just like they do it in the Old Country).
Domestic
sparkling wines can be pricey as the equipment and time necessary to create
them is not built into the very new system we have here. I'm talking business
overhead here. So sometimes champagne of equal caliber might come in a
bit cheaper.
Oh, and
another few Champagne factoids that make you a hit at cocktail parties
(filled with wine nerds that is): Champagne is generally made from three
grapes: chardonnay, pinot noir and pinot meunier. The latter two are red
grapes.
So
why is champagne generally a white wine if it is made from a blend of
these three grapes? The innards of all grapes are translucent; it is contact
with the dark skins that gives wine the red color. So, if you remove the
skins immediately, no color is transferred to the wine. A Blanc de Blanc,
or white from white, is made from Chardonnay alone. Blanc de Noir, white
from black, is champagne made from the two black grapes with no skin contact.
And, finally a rosé, delicious, lovely rosé. That is when some contact
with the skins is allowed which imparts a pinkish tinge and some flavoring
to the wine.
Sweet
Tooth
Let's talk about an entirely different species of wine: dessert wine.
Yes, it is made of the same grapes that make dry (i.e. not sweet) wines,
but they are handled in an entirely different fashion. There are many
methods to make it, but generally speaking, it is a wine that has residual
(leftover) sugar after the fermentation process.
Some
people imagine it as being too sweet. Usually the winemaker chooses a
kind of grape that has enough natural acidity to balance the sugar. A
good dessert wine will, therefore, be sweet, but not cloying. Some people
think dessert wine goes with dessert. I would advise you to think of it
as a dessert in and of itself, or an après dessert item. If you must have
it with, try a fruit dessert or a plain ice cream - you could even drizzle
it over vanilla ice cream or berries - yum.
Fortified
wine
Fortified wine is a wine that has more than it's fair share of alcohol.
These wines were very popular once upon a time when ships had to make
long voyages and proper storage was not available.
How does
it get so high in alcohol? It has had its fermentation stopped by the
addition of alcohol - a distilled grape spirit - leaving a good deal of
the sugar that would have been converted to alcohol but adding plenty
of proof to the beverage. Port, Sherry, Madeira, these are fortified wines.
They, too, can be enjoyed with dessert or as dessert. They are particularly
fun with cheese and I highly recommend a nice sweet sherry or port with
a great stinky blue cheese - it can be a revelation.
Cheese
also goes really well with bold red wine. If you still have part of a
bottle leftover at the end of the entrée course, see if they have cheese
and finish it up with that.
Wanna
learn something winemakers have known for centuries?
Sometimes a beer is the right answer. Seriously, as one of my bosses
said "it takes a lot of beer to make a little wine." And believe me, if
you saw the recycling at the winery during harvest, you would understand.
My point is, just because you are in a restaurant and they hand you a
wine list doesn't mean you have to drink wine. A nice Asahi with sushi.
Delish! A Bitteburger with a sausage - ya, das ist gut. Thai and a Singha
… you catch my drift. I'd go into more detail on the beer info, but this
is about wine after all.
Tainted
Love
You may have heard the term "corked" or "tainted" in your wine travels,
but what does that really mean? If you don't like the wine, does that
mean it's bad? Actually, sometimes you just make a bad choice or a choice
that just doesn't float your particular schooner.
The stinky,
musty, grandmother's basement smell of a corked wine is not something
you would mistake or forget. Neither is the scent of vinegar which is
something else wine can turn into if conditions aren't right. Now, there
are times when it is very clear and times when well, not so much. Ask
the waiter to taste it or have someone taste it for you. If they say it's
OK and you still don't want it, send it back, but the bottle shouldn't
necessarily be on the house.
Of
course, there are some icons of hospitality out there, restaurants that
won't leave the bottle you didn't like on your bill, but I imagine they
are a rare breed. Suck it up and get another bottle - this time, tell
the person assisting you with the selection what you didn't like - too
tart, too sour, to stinky, too light - then maybe they can point you in
the direction of something you might prefer. If it's bad, what do you
do? Like I said before, the right thing to do is have someone taste it.
If they second your emotion, the bottle should be on the house.
The Wine
Shop
So you ask the wine geek manning your corner liquor store or wine
shop, "what do you think of this bottle" and they say, "it's good but
..." That likely means the wine you picked up has as much flavor and finesse
as a sweat sock. Wine folk will rarely out and out say a wine sucks, so
you do need to read between a line or two.
They
will do their best to lead you in a more auspicious direction though,
so listen up. You must also be vigilant. If they pick a bottle that is
$20 more than the one you enquired about, they are probably shining you
on. If they choose something in a similar category, I'd say go for it.
Cat Pee?
What might be the most important thing I can tell you is this, when people
talk about barnyard, grass, Band-Aid, oil slick or even cat pee, they
are not necessarily trying to be jack-asses. Now, some of them are playing
the role of pretentious wine snob and ought to be taken out back and have
their noses rubbed in a litter box.
Often times,
however, they are just normal people like you and I, speaking in the accepted
wine language they have learned over time. If you let them, these words
that spurt forth from the mouths of sommeliers and wine shop owners can
potentially enhance certain sensory reactions you have to the wine. These
bizarre little catch phrases might actually have some meaning for you
as you sip and swish and might help you reach a new level of enjoyment
of your beverage of choice.
The truth
is, though, that anything you think you smell in a wine is accurate, anything
you taste, ditto. You don't have to be limited by what you think are normal
smell and taste adjectives. Let your imagination go wild, talk out your
rear, free your mind, you'll get the drift.
Or just silently
lift your glass; that's your prerogative.
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